Letters - The Custody Minefield

Template Letters

The following letters are provided to help you to ensure your involvement in important aspects of your children's life. Letters are provided to help non-resident parents or parents with shared residence whose ex-partner chooses not to support their involvement in their children's lives. Research confirms it is in children's best interests to have both parents involved in their education and development, and there are strong reasons for both parents to be fully informed of any serious medical condition or needs that their child may have. Good parenting is not about 'control', but in ensuring children have the best opportunities and that their welfare is fully supported.

Also read our guide on Parental Responsibility

Template Letter to a Local Area Education Authority requesting details of your children's school

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Help with locating your child's school

Research confirms that children do better academically when both parents are involved in their education. Sadly, some resident parents choose not to share information, and a non-resident parent may not be aware which school their child is attending, especially if the resident parent has moved, the child has only recently started at a new school and the non-resident parent was not included in the selection process, or if distance separates the two households.

If you know which county your children are living in, it is possible to trace their school. Your first step is to contact their Local Education Authority by letter, and to ask them to tell you which school your child is attending. The word template to the left can be used to assist you with the letter wording, and the button below can be used to help you get the address details for the Local Education Authority which you need to write to.

You may need to prove you are the child's parent. If you can, include one of the following documents as evidence:

The child's birth certificate, naming you as their parent;
A parental responsibility order;
A shared residence order;
A parental responsibility agreement;
The marriage certificate between yourself and the resident parent.

The Education Act 1996 affords parents certain rights regarding their children's schooling. The Education Act 1996 only requires that you are the biological parent (see section 576), although other legal holders of parental responsibility also hold the same rights under the act. Those rights include the right:

1. to participate in decisions about their child's education (e.g. deciding which subjects the child should study).

2. to be treated equally to any other parent by the school and Local Education Authority(LEA) staff.

3. to receive information from the school (e.g. copies of the governors' annual report, pupil reports and attendance records).

4. to participate in certain school activities (e.g. vote in elections for parent governors, attend sports days and school performances).

5. to be asked for their consent for their children to take part in extra-curricular activities.

6. to be advised about meetings involving the child (e.g. where a governors' meeting is being held to discuss the possibility of a child's exclusion from school for bad behaviour).

7. to be included on an equal basis with the other parent in their children's school records.

Section 7 of the Data Protection Act 1998also gives you certain rights of access to information which an organisation holds on your children.

First Template Letter to a your children's school

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Second Template Letter to a your children's school

Help in your involvement in your child's schooling

Schools have a duty to treat parents equally. Their duties are set out in the guidance for Head Teachers (DFES 0092/2000) and you have a right to:

To receive information, e.g. pupil reports
To participate in activities, e.g. vote in elections for parent governors
To be asked to give consent, e.g. to the child taking part in school trips
To be informed about meetings involving the child, e.g. a governors' meeting on the child's exclusion.

It is rarer now for schools to refuse to involve a non-resident parent. We have however provided two templates. The first is a general letter notifying the school that you are their pupil's parent, and asking to be informed of important matters which concern your child, events which parents are invited to attend, and asking to receive copies of school reports.

The second is intended for the rare occasions when a school may refuse. In this event, we recommend you send our second letter, and if they still refuse, consider making a complaint to the Local Area Education, to Ofsted, and to your Member of Parliament. While schools are advised not to get involved in parental disputes, you have a right to involvement in your child's education, and it is important for your child that you do so.

You may need to prove you are the child's parent. If you can, include one of the following documents as evidence:

The child's birth certificate, naming you as their parent;
A parental responsibility order;
A shared residence order;
A parental responsibility agreement;
The marriage certificate between yourself and the resident parent.

The Education Act 1996 only requires that you are the child's biological parent (see section 576), although other legal holders of parental responsibility also hold the same rights under the act. To be included, under this legislation you do not actually need to have 'legal parental responsibility if you are the child's biological parent.

Our second letter explains to the Head Teacher not only that it is your legal right to be involved in your child's education, but more importantly, points out why it is important for your child (and their pupil) that your are! Send the first letter first, and only use the second in the event you do not get a positive reply.

You may also want to learn more about the school, and the school's latest OFSTED report will be of interest. You can search for the report on the OFSTED website.

First Template Letter to your children's early years child care provider

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Help in your involvement in your child's early years education

Different legislation impacts on your right to involvement in your child's early years education (nursery, playgroup etc). To exercise those rights, you need to hold legal parental responsibility.

The Statutory Framework for the Early Years Foundation Stage sets out the child care providers duty to work in partnership with parents. Paragraph 1.16 states:
"Close working between early years practitioners and parents is vital for the identification of children’s learning needs and to ensure a quick response to any area of particular difficulty. Parents and families are central to a child’s well-being and practitioners should support this important relationship by sharing information and offering support for extending learning in the home."
You may also find it interesting to read the Early Years Foundations Stage Standards which sets out the standards in terms of learning, development and care for children aged 0 to 5 which your child should be receiving.
If you need to find the address of your child's Early Years Child Minder/Nursery etc and also learn more about them, OFSTED's website has reports on more than 17,000 of these grouped by region. Your child's local council website may also have details of nursery's, creche's and child minders. The OFSTED Report on the child care provider will no doubt be of interest to you.

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First Template Letter to your children's Area Health Authority

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Help in locating your child's GP

There are a couple of ways in which you can find your child's GP. If you know the resident parent's address, you could search for local GP surgeries or write to their local Primary Care Trust. The first approach may involve writing many letters depending on the number of GP surgeries in their area. We would recommend contacting the local Primary Care Trust first. You might also contact the local Patients' Advisory and Liaison Service (PALS), which is a service intended to support patients and their families.

A directory of Primary Care Trusts can be accessed here to help you find their address to write to. An alternative directory, provided by the NHS also provides a list of service providers within their area, such as individual GP surgeries/clinic addresses.x

You may be asked to provide proof that you hold parental responsibility for the child. If you are the mother, a copy of the birth certificate will be sufficient. Proof by the father can be can be given by providing the following documents:

If you are named on a birth certificate for a child born after December 2003, provide a copy of the birth certificate;
If you were married to the mother and the child was born before December 2003, provide a copy of the marriage certificate and a copy of the birth certificate;
Otherwise, you will need to provide a copy of a Parental Responsibility Agreement, or a Parental Responsibility Order, or a Residence Order or Shared Residence Order made in your favour.